You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
