Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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