drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
