I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Panties = found
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
