this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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