We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
