this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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