it hurts more in the daytime
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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