it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I think my vagina is haunted
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
