Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
