I wish my penis had an off switch
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
