Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
