Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
