"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
