you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
