I think I died a long time ago.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
