Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
