I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
