that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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