so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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