No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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