Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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