Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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