Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
4 words: hood of his car
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
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