we're making bets on your personal life
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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