found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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