amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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