The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
