my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
