Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
