so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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