I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
