no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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