im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
