yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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