I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
