actually, I'm a sock model
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We have started to decorate penises.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
