If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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