We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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