her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
