I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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