Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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