I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
