is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
