I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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