My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
