True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We are all done wearing pants today
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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