my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
