I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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