i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Holy sore nipples Batman
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
