mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i dont even know how to be here
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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