I'm laying in your front yard are you home
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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