My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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