I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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